How Can You Kindly (And Legally) Prevent Your Elderly Parent From Driving In New York?

If you're like many members of the "sandwich generation," you may spend nearly as much time caring for your elderly parent as you do for your young children or teens. What are your legal options if you feel your parent is no longer safe behind the wheel? Read on to learn more about some options New York State has put in place to help adult children gently take the keys from elderly relatives without causing embarrassment or family drama. 

What should be your first step upon realizing your parent should no longer drive?

In some cases, a stroke or other sudden medical event may make your parent's inability to drive crystal clear, or a physician may issue a stern edict prohibiting your parent from driving. A more difficult situation involves a parent whose cognitive skills or reaction times have been slowly declining for years, but who hasn't yet been involved in a serious accident that can give you (or others) the opportunity to bring up the driving conversation. 

However, if you've begun to notice dents and dings on the bumpers of your parent's car, or neighbors or friends have begun to contact you with concerns after watching your parent slowly navigate his or her driveway, you'll need to take action before the situation deteriorates further. 

This can be a difficult conversation, particularly with the person who helped you learn to walk and use the toilet. By maintaining a non-judgmental tone and indicating your concern for your parent's health and welfare (rather than your worry that your parent will cause harm to another driver), you may be able to persuade your parent to relinquish his or her driver's license and allow others to take charge of transporting him or her to appointments and to run errands.

What are your options if your parent refuses to give up the keys?

If this conversation goes badly, you still have some legal options that can help protect your parent without putting you in the middle.

Although some states do not permit anonymous reports to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV), New York allows adult children, caregivers, and other individuals to request that a specific individual be subject to a driving test. You'll be able to request that your report remain anonymous, which will make BMV (rather than you) the "bad guy" if your parent fails his or her driving test.

Another option includes a referral to your parent's primary care physician or ophthalmologist. Both are empowered under state law to provide reports to the BMV indicating concern about a specific patient. The BMV may opt to re-examine your parent or simply revoke his or her driver's license upon notification from a physician. While your parent's physician is under no obligation to withhold your name, most will recognize the need for family harmony and remain discreet.

In extreme cases, you may want to consult with an elder law attorney, who can help explain to your parent the specific financial and legal risks he or she is taking by driving after others have indicated safety concerns. Read more on elder law websites, and make sure you're doing what's best for your loved one and for others.

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